Don Cherry: This throwback way past his prime

I’ve GOT to stop watching Coach’s Corner!

The opening night of the 2011-2012 NHL hockey season and though it’s a Thursday rather than Saturday night, Hockey Night In Canada (HNIC) is back on CBC. The Montreal Canadiens against the Toronto Maple Leafs in the centre of the CBC universe, Toronto.

There’s a prolonged ceremonial introduction of every Leaf player, in uniform and out, every coach, executive, water boy . . . Somewhere along the long line I lost count, and interest. But the projection of the white leaves on the darkened ice surface was nice. What was cool, however, was how these animated leaves swirled in the wake of each player who skated out to take his place on the ice.

Unfortunately the first period of hockey was far less animated and interesting.

And with the first intermission comes Coach’s Corner, with the iconic Don Cherry, whose bombastic delivery is almost as loud as his “suits” — many of which seem stolen from someone’s colourful but tacky curtains. At his side, riding his coattails, is his sidekick and inconsistent foil, Ron McLean.

McLean wants Cherry to discuss the current hot topic around the league, the continuing campaign against shots to the head and the accompanying suspensions from the league’s new head of discipline, the much-respected former player, Brendan Shanahan. But as too often happens, Cherry is in a surly mood. With a dismissive gesture, he notes — almost brags — that he hasn’t bothered to look at any of Shanahan’s explanatory DVDs examining each hit and outlining his reasoning in awarding the suspensions he’s had to hand out so far. But that doesn’t stop Cherry from sitting in knee-jerk judgement and being highly critical of Shanahan’s decisions.

Then Cherry — at best a minor-league grinder when he played, a relatively short-termed coach when behind the bench, and a significantly richer entrepreneur with his Rock ‘Em, Sock ‘Em videos — shows Scott Stevens at his most devastating years ago in another time and notes that all these hits would be illegal and punishable by suspension these days. And I say well, they should be. Slavery was once practised on this continent. Doesn’t mean it should be again.

In high dudgeon, and even higher volume, with dangerous, even career-ending (Eric Lindros) hits playing in the background, The Don complains that we won’t see the likes of this kind of action again in our lifetime. I say, “Good!”

With yet another shot of another totally unconscious player lying so ominously still on the ice, Cherry nearly screams “We won’t see this again!” Like it’s some terrible loss we are about to experience. Well Don, I think I am far from alone in noting that I would be VERY HAPPY if I never saw such a sight again at at hockey rink.

And I’d probably be a lot better off not watching Coach’s Corner, even if I do so only to see how far this highly irritating hockey icon will go, and wondering if he’ll finally lose it completely on camera.

I’d probably enjoy Coach’s Corner a lot more if they put Cherry out to post-broadcasting pasture before true dementia starts setting in. Heck, they could always bring in Coach, “The (would-be) Dragon Slayer” from Survivor. He doesn’t know much about hockey but at least he’d be amusing — and much easier on the blood pressure.