TODAY, Jan. 15, 2010

Well, typing that title is the first time I’ve used 2010 to indicate the current year. Probably underlines the fact I haven’t posted here since New Year’s Day.

Sometimes I think I should just do what I’m doing now, just sit down and write whatever comes up. Even if I’m here at the moment because I’m stalling again on attacking a sink full of dishes. The worst part is, they’ve been waiting there for me for a couple of days now. I won’t tell you how many times I’ve drained the grown-cold water and ran some new hot water.

It’s been that kind of week. I don’t want to go into details. It’s unfortunately an all-too-frequent occurrence — an unpleasant side effect of the pills I take daily, the painkillers in particular. We had hoped some new pills recommended by my pharmacist, instead of the off-the-shelf stuff recommended by my doctor, would help and for a time they did. But eventually . . .

I think the lack of exercise is a contributing factor. It’s getting to be a bit of a vicious circle. One (me, at least it seems) needs a certain level of energy AND physical comfort to engage in exercise. Without it, one keeps hoping and trying to get to that level so they can start at least a minimum routine. But if you’re forced to bed by other factors, that means even less exercise than the normal standing and walking of an average day. Which puts the minimum energy and comfort that much further out of reach.

Oh I know the answer is to just go ahead and do SOME exercise, ANY kind of exercise and worry about the after affects later. But if the after affects put you back in bed, you end up back at square one.

Which allows the ever-threatening blanket of even mild depression to quietly roll in like a persistent storm front.

So why am I telling YOU all this?

To make you feel sorry for me? Hell no. And please don’t ever. I don’t care how miserable things can get for me, there are always people suffering worse and doing so with much more grace than I can ever seem to muster.

To perhaps reassure you in the reminder that you are not alone? Perhaps. To a certain extent, at least. It’s often been my motivation in being so open about myself, including my weaknesses and shortcomings, as well as tribulations faced. It can be different for everybody, different sources, different manifestations, but I do believe that every life includes a fair amount of the — to be blunt — shitty. So yes, in that way, this may comfort.

But I think this time, at least, it may have even more to do with just getting it off my chest and perhaps out of my head.

—–

Well, just got off the phone with my son Travis who is heading out for a week with friends down in Nicaragua. And Mariette just got in from work. And I no longer have the energy or desire to continue the above.

I could throw this post into the Draft bin, but there’s enough unfinished stuff there already. So I guess I’ll hit Publish for the same reason I started this — just for the helluvit. 🙂